How much do I remember of my toddler years?
Very little….
But the intense events where I was scolded, frustrated, or hurt remain as fragments of memory.
Did my parents really punish me back then, when I was so bad at everything?
Why do I hold on to memories of negativity…?
What kind of parent do you want to be to your child?
A child is a human being who has only been on this earth for a few years and has a lot to learn.
As a parent, you have to have the generosity to see everything from the moment you decide to make a child a part of your family.
Think about the moment you decided to have a child.
You are the whole world to your child.
Let’s show them what a happy world it is, and what a happy world you are!
As a neuroscience researcher at the University of Toronto in Canada explains, “Infants undergo rapid cell growth in the central part of the brain responsible for memory,
This process can disrupt the connections between existing brain cells, leading to memory loss.
This is evidence that your child is growing up healthy.
If you want to help your child retain their childhood memories, you can take pictures of each episode or keep a journal or other record.
The toddler years are a crucial time for learning about emotions, and even if they don’t remember where and when they did something, they will definitely remember how they felt.
A forgetful child’s healthy memory is a child’s healthy memory.
However, there are some memories that just won’t go away.
I looked back at my childhood memories from more than 30 years ago.
◇ My grandfather made me an ice sled → I was sad because it didn’t move well.
◇ My dad bought me a radio-controlled car → I was sad because it broke after a day.
◇ Memories of being slapped by my dad
◇ I remember falling down while playing and scratching my face on the wall, which hurt a lot and made me cry.
◇ My sister did something wrong and we got into a fight.
◇ My parents left me at a friend’s house and I went somewhere and cried and felt anxious.
Looking back on my childhood, I feel like I’m a negative person.
I think I must be a negative person because there are more negative memories when I look at the things I clearly remember that must have been fun and happy times.
However, there is one good thing that has come out of these negative memories.
It has a lot of influence on my parenting now.
I have my own resolutions and principles.
“I will never hit or yell at my child under any circumstances.”
When you’re raising a child, you have to remind yourself hundreds and thousands of times to be patient.
You get hurt, you cry, you get angry. These emotions are the default options when raising a child.
Nevertheless, you need to treat your child with respect and dignity.
A child who is treated with respect will grow up to be treated with respect by many people.
Misbehavior, words, and thoughts can be addressed through conversation.
“Cherish your child’s things.”
Many parents jokingly refer to the things their children create as memory junk.
Memories are memories, but some things are hard to deal with.
When your child’s room gets dirty, you start to wonder.
You wonder how long you should keep them.
But before you think about it, ask your child.
Technically, they are their “ownership and intellectual property”.
There will come a time when they will have to get rid of them.
It doesn’t take as long as you think. (Take a picture of it before you throw it away so you have a record).
“I do my best to be present with my child.”
One of the hardest parts of parenting is not having time for yourself.
You want to play, you want to have your own free time.
You can imagine the depression that comes from deprivation. It’s a time when self-esteem hits rock bottom.
I went through the initial stages of depression myself, and over time, I overcame it naturally.
When parents are happy, children are happy.
Instead of trying to do things for your child, try to find things that you would enjoy and incorporate them into your life.
I like to have a cup of tea with a view.
Then you can try to incorporate your child’s sandplay into the vast ocean.
Maybe it’s the same principle with going to a kids cafe…. I think.
Do your best to be there for them.
Every day is a moment when your child is doing something on their own without your help.
Every day they practice being an independent human being away from their parents.
This accumulates, and at some point, independence comes.
As a parent, you’ll feel sad when your child leaves, but you should celebrate.
To do this, you need to prepare yourself.
Prepare yourself with some form of documentation of your child’s growth
One major accident can leave us with a lifetime of discomfort.
We call it a sequelae or disability.
One big temper tantrum and you can be remembered by your child as a scary parent.
It takes a lot of effort and time to repair the relationship.
Parents of immature children must have the generosity to let everything slide.
Children build castles every day.
The castle they build is a sand castle.
Parents can mix ingredients in the sand castle.
You can mix happiness (=cement) with love (=water) to make a stronger, more solid castle,
indifference (= salt water) and anger (= twigs) to make a castle that collapses in a light breeze.
I think the relationship between a parent and a child is like a “jumble jumble jumble”.
(In order for the chick to emerge from the egg, the mother chicken pecks outside and the chick pecks inside, and they must help each other to get the job done.)
Parents have to study, think, persevere, and create a fantasy breathing relationship with their children.
Parents are like that.
Let’s make sure that in the child’s memory fragments, mom and dad are remembered as the ones who loved me.